i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
