Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
