508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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