Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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