Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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