i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
