I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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