worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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