I love black thongs
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
