oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Just got my second shot
Baller. Weβre going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
