Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
