the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?