I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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