Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
