I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts