You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.