I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.