I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.