Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
