My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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