I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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