During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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