I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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