i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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