i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
