New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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