oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
