I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
