Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
