Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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