someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize