I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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