glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
home. puking in laundry basket.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
