thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
