How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
