the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize