Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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