I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
