It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
