I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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