I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
