I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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