We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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