Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
