Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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