I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
