the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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