I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
