I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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