when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
