she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I take back everything I said about communal showers
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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