i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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