this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
