There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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