I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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