currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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