So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sorry about my life...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
