So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He passed out mid-signature
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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