I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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