All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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