thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
