We named our party play list daddy issues
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My vagina is officially offended.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
