I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
