is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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