Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
