He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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