I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
