i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
