I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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