He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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