i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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