Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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