Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
