Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
