i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She's the barista slut.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
