whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
