Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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