I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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