I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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