And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
