Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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