hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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