Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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