There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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